I didn’t really come out of the pandemic in the same way I went in. In fact, I often “joke” that I went from extrovert to hermit, skipping over introvert and then didn’t really come back out all that social or connected. Some of this was an over-dependence and reliance on technology and the virtual world. In this last year, I have increasingly become more connected, face-to-face and in-person with other humans, and this was long overdue. So, more and more lately, I strive to find networking and support spaces to foster and seek alignment with life and work — leading toward smooth and stable transition from where I am to where I want to go and who I want to be. I seek that support, in person and in community, because I need it, sometimes more desperately than others.
A colleague asked me this morning what “goals” I am setting for the new year, a common inquiry around this time of year! She mentioned that she is working on more gratitude, a quality and principle that keeps us from building negative and cynical trenches in our lives (and this keeps us from digging ruts in our brains that cause unhealthy patterns in our behavior). My first answer was that I seek and strive to maintain my health and wellness and personal and professional endeavors throughout the year instead of relying on “new year’s resolutions.” Frankly, I am not as ambitious or driven as I once was, so I am in it for the marathon and not sprinting much these days! I just came back from three days working with one of my teachers in Los Angeles, where we hiked, did some functional training, and connected and related around Qigong, relationships, and other eastern practices and somatic work done with, and for, and to me. I found out somewhere along the line that I cannot go where I want to go without finding those who are already there and beyond. In fact, desiring to be in a different place is often half the battle, and only then can I seek out those who will help get me there. On the other hand, we are responsible for taking the action.
As I thought about my colleague’s question, I did come up with one change that came from this recent work and that is to supplement my yoga practice three times a week with one session of more functional or strength training. Yoga helps me work on balance, focus, and flexibility, but more functional training can add strength that will enhance my vitality and longevity. I have known and said this for years, but only recently was moved to do something about it. Sometimes I get tired of hearing myself say things and become attached to stories without making positive changes. Realistically, I will replace one yoga practice with one functional training instead of trying to add a fourth session each week. We all know, but perhaps sometimes forget, that more incremental micro changes often produce better results as we add and grow and change our lifestyles. Sometimes it’s all we can do to maintain what we are doing to keep from “regressing” (maybe even that is a story I need to re-examine). I have heard that progress is often 2 or 3 steps forward and sometimes 1 or 2 back instead of some unrealistic constant progression without setbacks. “Progress not perfection” as they say. So perhaps it is more cyclical than linear.
I told my colleague that at 63 years of age, I am not a big goal setter anymore, at least in writing and formality, and that striving to maintain and grow throughout the year, which I often struggle with and now see as “normal,” keeps me from attempting to make some huge goal or change that I cannot achieve at the beginning of the year (Maybe I can achieve it, but saying that I cannot most likely ensures that it is true, but then the contrary may also be true. There are different ways to approach challenges, e.g., I cannot, I could, I might, or I will, and I am doing it.). On the other hand, whatever works for us as we move and stay out of complacency is the key, even if it is radical change in the all or nothing mentality including “resolutions”. Even though I am not accustomed to setting out bigger benchmarks, I also know that the baseline of last year must be left behind if I am to grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually!
And for that, I need accountability and support, community and commitment, and a routine that is not rigid and one that keeps me out of the jagged and deep ruts of life that are harder to overcome, albeit “imperfectionistically,” which is the new identity that I have adopted. In fact, that is not even a word, but throwing off the past perfectionist in me requires that I acknowledge that I can at once hold the tension of being an “imperfectionist” without trying to “perfect mediocrity”! Although this may not work well for everyone at any age or place or stage in life, it seems to work well for me! Whatever style or path works for an individual, the key is to seek out that path and find the ebb and flow of growth and change in community with support and accountability! Acceptance and reasonable change are necessary.
So, in closing, I invite those who have not done so, to consider posting or writing about where they are in this new year, e.g. starting new or ending old relationships, setting new intentions and goals, leaving certain work positions, or starting new ones, and drawing a little deeper to reflect on how you envision this new year will manifest for you! And then, maintain “progressive not perfectionistic” change throughout the year as you go, so next year, in January, it will only be a routine reflection on what you want to continue or what meaningful micro additions or removals can be made!